Holiday greetings...

'Tis the season for Christmas cards, family photos, Santa pictures and an abundance of social media cuteness. About a week or so ago we received a few prints of photos we took of Presley. We didn't have a camera at the hospital and unfortunately since breaking my phone I'm stuck with the old iPhone 4 until my next upgrade comes around. The quality of the photos isn't spectacular and I've spent a great deal of time regretting that we don't have better pictures. I am grateful that I have the few that we did take. I don't ever want to forget how perfect and tiny she was. I want to always be able to go back and admire her tiny features when she feels far away.

I have only shared the pictures with one person outside of our family, and only did that because they specifically asked.

There have been lots of times that I've wanted to share a few of them, only because I feel like the idea of our baby is so obscure. Only those that were at the hospital saw her outside of ultrasound photos. But then the feeling that I'm "over sharing" takes over and I put my phone away. When you lose a baby there's a constant struggle between the parts of you that want anyone and everyone to acknowledge her existence and see that she WAS here and the parts of you that don't want to wallow in self pity while making those around you extremely uncomfortable. 

We have so few tangible reminders that I carried a baby, that our daughter was here if only for a whisper of time. The pictures have become a bit of an obsession I guess. I have laid awake many, many hours contemplating if I should share them with my kids. I feel like they deserve to see her, to see that this baby sister that they never held or kissed was real. But are they mature enough to absorb the impact of the pictures? I don't know...
Do I share these pictures with family and friends? Will others see them with the same beauty and admiration that we do? Probably not...

So as I look through chubby smiles and dimples sitting on Santa's lap, a super cute Christmas pregnancy announcement, a holiday birth announcement and perfectly complete family photos, where do our photos fit in? How do you express the pride and joy you have for your baby that didn't survive? I suppose I'm just wanting to put it out there, we have photos of our baby, they are beautiful in our eyes, but may not make the best Christmas card.