Presley Ann

Presley Ann

Tuesday, April 21, 2015

The Rollercoaster

We were coasting along just fabulously the last few weeks, I'm feeling fantastic and our last two ultrasounds showed nothing out of the ordinary. I love my new job and things there are going great as well. Yesterday was our third bi-weekly ultrasound to check cervical length. My OB started me on progesterone at 12 weeks and has been monitoring me closely to ensure that it was working to keep my cervix closed. After checking on the baby, confirming (again) that she is most definitely a girl and watching her suck her fingers (a habit that is so adorable but will surely be hard to break!) it was time to get measurements. That's when the floor fell out and the ride went into a free fall. I knew immediately that it wasn't good, as I've become somewhat of a cervical length expert in the past few weeks. When I saw 1.4cm on the screen and the look on the tech's face I nearly had a breakdown right then and there. She then put some pressure on my stomach and sure enough, cervix opened up. She reassured us that this is the reason we were there to begin with, to stay ahead of these types of hiccups, but as she went to get the doctor, Brett and I started to panic. The doctor took a look and confirmed it was somewhere around 2cm and shortened under pressure and said she'd be calling a perinatologist, who was a very good friend of hers, right a way. She sent me home for complete bed rest until further notice. The thought of months of bed rest completely overwhelmed me...what about work? Who would take care of my kids? My house is a disaster, I need to go grocery shopping, etc, etc.
My family and friends immediately rallied and assured me we would get through it. This morning we met with the perinatologist for the first time, he was so gracious and fit us in with less than 24 hours notice. He took a very detailed history, discussed some of the potential options and then we spent nearly an hour in ultrasound. After checking baby head to toe, getting a good look at all her organs and limbs, they took multiple cervical length measurements. The combined average ended up being close to 2.5cm rather than the original 1.4 we thought we were looking at yesterday. However that is still not in the normal range and was cause for concern, especially since I am already taking progesterone and it was a substantial change from two weeks ago. Ultimately Dr. Huls gave us the option to keep on progesterone and modified bed rest for a couple weeks and continue monitoring or to do a cerclage immediately. We didn't have to think long, as the idea of doing nothing and just waiting it out seemed like too much to bear.
We are currently waiting for the hospital to call and schedule the procedure, but will have it done by the end of the week. In the mean time (and in the weeks that follow) I will be on modified bed rest and see the perinatologist weekly. I'm extremely grateful to have a team of doctors that has things under control. They are genuinely caring people that understand our wacky, sometimes irrational fears and they truly want to carry us through to a positive outcome.
So for now, I figure out how to "modify" my life, prioritize my time and learn to just stick it out in bed some of the time. We are blessed beyond measure to have the support of so many wonderful people and look forward to sharing our baby girl with you in a few short months.

Wednesday, April 1, 2015

Remembering MeMa

My Grandmother is one of the strongest women I've ever known. Although our stories are not so much the same, we both found ourselves raising little boys on our own, only her hands were twice as full as mine! She was not perfect (and either am I) but I will forever admire her strength and beauty and I know she left with me, some of those gifts. She raised five boys, four of them as a widowed, single mother, then went on to raise two grandchildren. The struggles in my adult life have given me a much greater appreciation for who she was and the challenges she endured. There were definitely times I felt I had missed out on a little bit of her as a child, but I feel that I've gotten to know her best in the past few years as her health and mind were failing her. Even through the veil of dementia and heart failure, the woman that she is and her love for her family shined brightly. I am forever grateful that I've had the privilege of being close to her in the later years and final days of her life.
Another parallel in our life stories, we both found a second chance at love. She and I were blessed to find men who love our children as their own and stepped up to father sons that are not biologically theirs. As her health deteriorated I witnessed the most tangible example of love and sacrifice one could imagine. My Grandfather has taken full responsibility for her care for the past several years. He has adapted their home to meet her needs, taken her to hundreds of appointments, kept track of medications that were constantly changing, lifted her in and out of bed, answered her every call for him, spent countless days and hours in hospitals, slept in a twin bed beside the hospital bed in their home and so much more. He has done it all with a smile and a compassion that words can't describe. He truly loved and cherished her to her very last breath.
Early this morning, she finally gave up the fight of her life. She was welcomed into heaven by a grandson and a great granddaughter whom we never got to know. I know she's already holding those babies and soaking up being reunited with all the others gone before her. 
I pray that her beauty, strength and courage continue to live through me and that I can pass those qualities on to my daughter, who will carry her MeMa's middle name.
Rejoice with Jesus Grandma and shower my Presley with kisses until we're all together again!